she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
