but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
