Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
