They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
