I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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