you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i came on her dog
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
