I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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