It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
