not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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