I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
