someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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