I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
