the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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