I didn't shave. On purpose
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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