your parents love me but you hate me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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