Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
