the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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