my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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