Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
