dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You dont lie about slip and slides
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
