MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
