i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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