I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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