literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
