I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
