did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
