i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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