I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
