are you so shy because you have an std?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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