Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
