just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star