I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
