dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
