3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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