remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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