This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
