So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You were trust falling into bushes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
