You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
