spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
