Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
