I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
