Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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