Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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