none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
