I think I died a long time ago.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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