he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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