Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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