Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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