this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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