I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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