You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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