she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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