three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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