i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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