I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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