So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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