So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
