Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
