I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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